Sunday, April 19, 2015

Don't Tell Me to Calm Down

Yesterday was a great day! We had a prefecture-wide scavenger hunt, a nomihodai at an izakaya (restaurant/bar), where we laughed at the pictures and videos of the day, and finished it off with a night of dancing at Saicolo.

It was around 4 am, when we decided to leave the club, but we stayed at the front reception because one of the girls had misplaced the locker key that secured her purse. While my friends inquired about a replacement key, I sat on a high chair located next to the counter and rested a bit. I was there for about 5 minutes until I felt someone wrap their arm around me. I thought it was one of my guy friends but, in a split second, I saw that it was a stranger - a random guy. I took him arm off of me and pushed him out of my personal space while telling him not to touch me. Then, he grabbed my left wrist.

I was in complete fight mode as I tried to turn my wrist to break his hold while shouting every obscenity known to man. He had a painful grip on my wrist and I tried to use my right hand to help me maneuver my arm toward his thumb and subsequently break his hold - you know, just like how they teach us in self-defense classes. As I tried to break free, he grabbed my other wrist and held me there.

Like this, but with both arms.
My friend, Tka, who was asking the reception about the keys, saw that I was in distress and moved into action. I saw her attempt to pry his fingers off while telling him to let go, but this guy was not budging. After what seemed like forever, the bodyguard, who was less than 7 feet away during this whole ordeal, and my guy friends intervened and the guy finally let go of me. As they escorted him out of the club, he started shouting that his intentions were pure; that he was just trying to wake me up when he put his arm around me. Seriously? Who was he to try to "take care of me." Let's be frank, he was a predator trying to find a semi-conscious girl to rape. Well,  you picked the wrong girl, jerk! My friend Tka and I berated him, but the receptionist begged us to calm down.

Here is a comprehensive list of why I cannot "calm down"
  1. A man felt entitled to touch me, a woman, without my permission
  2. When I told him to not touch me, he continued to touch me
  3. When I told him to let me go, he held on tighter
  4. When my friend, who is also a woman, told him to let me go, he still held on
  5. There was a delayed response from others - this was not O.K.
  6. He released me ONLY when other men told him to let go 
  7. Afterwards, he victim blamed me for his assault on my person
Despite all of this, I was expected, by men, to remain calm.

We should never "calm down" about flagrant violations of our person!

Want to know why?

P.S.,  I would hate to believe the stereotype of the military stationed on Okinawa, but he was an American and possibly a U.S. solider.


  1. Replies
    1. Que degraciado! Pero gracias a Dios (y mis amigos) que todo salio bien.

  2. I had no idea this was going on?!?! I'm so sorry that happened to you and there were people there to help.

    1. This was when you were still trying to get a hold of Alex because we were unsure if he left with the key. Shom was one of the guys who jumped in and I believe Jay as well. I just don't know what was wrong with that guy, but this grip left red marks :\

  3. OMG, I'm so glad you're safe linda. Stay strong!! <3

    1. Me too! I don't think he realized that I was with others. Luckily, I'm always with my crew. That guy was definitely a predator. I'm glad no one, including my friends who jumped in, was hurt.