JET Lag

 I had a week to recover from JET lag before starting my first day at work

 The JET Handbook has a small chapter dedicated to reverse culture shock, but I'll sum it in one sentence: no one cares about your JET experience. That sounds pretty harsh but the reality is that most people will not be able to relate to the experience despite finding it interesting.

I was back to where I started, physically, but I was a different woman than the one who boarded a plane over two years ago. If I could visit my past self, I'd give her a big hug. And then a small shove to toward the plane because we'd create some sort of disaster when seeing each other...what was I talking about?

Oh yea! As you learned from this post,  I secured a good job before my return and I focused all of my energy in setting up my life in Miami. Unfortunately, that was more expensive than what I previously imagined; no thanks to my cat, Tiger, and his visit to the veterinarian the day after my arrival. Oh Tiger. But I managed.

My first real moment of reverse culture shock occurred on my first day of work. I was so overwhelmed with the newness of everything that I looked at my Taketomi star sand and said, "Was I really there?" I  realized that I was no longer an English teacher in Japan and, weirdly, my experience felt like a dream. Another moment of reverse culture shock occurred at the grocery store. I idiotically made the mistake entering a Super Walmart. I felt completely overwhelmed and left without buying any food because there were too many unhealthy choices.

I've previously stated that I hate change. Now, I know that I can handle any unknown situation as long as I focus on the benefits. I can also cope with change by creating a routine, one that ultimately benefits me. That right! Your girl as gone all philosophical! So if you're wondering, I can handle the supermarket now.

I wasn't too worried about my social life when I returned because my birthday fell on the weekend that I returned. I was use to "chill" nights every weekend with my OkiLocos, but it was great to go out with my ladies and have THE WORST BIRTHDAY EVER! My all-time-favorite restaurant really let me down in more ways that one. And the following day of snorkeling was 5% LESS OF A DISASTER! When did Jellyfish season start in Florida? It was great seeing my friends and catching up with people I haven't seen in forNEVER! They've really helped smooth my transition back home and I can't thank them enough. Thanks you guys!

Right now, I am focused on growth - both professionally and personally. I told my friend the other day about an event that I want to attend and she said, "Lmao, you're into that?" I replied, "The point is to try something new...I'm not trying to be that stubborn, crazy girl I use to be." Ok, I'll always be crazy and a bit stubborn and, although you'll never see me waste my money on a Miami Dolphins' game (DefinitelyNOTSorry), I want to be exposed to different things. Listen, I use to hate swimming and after Okinawa, I'm a mermaid. 

So my advice to JETs returning home:

• Start your job search early
• Meet with friends
• Be a tourist in your own hometown
• Focus on growth
• Do you

Sayonara.

Yaya's Goodbye Rap

Iacinta (a.k.a. Yaya), an OkiJET from New Zealand, wrote the awesomest rap EVER! She's a downright sweetheart and the most coolest girl I know! Thanks Yaya! This made me ugly cry at the airport. I plan to visit you in New Zealand soon! Hobbit holes!


Yo! Yo!
Let me tell you 'bout Gabie
Pretty girl from Miami
Likes having fun in the sun
Making Nuns Buns not puns

Nights out on the town
She'll be tryna "get down"
Causing good kinds of trouble
Sippin' drinks without bubbles

Ain't got no time for shy guys
So she gives them the side-eye
Such a powerful stare
That makes the typhoons disappear

But don't mistake her kindness for fierceness
For she is actually just fearless
We will miss dear Gabie sorely
But we'll catch up one day, won't we?
Surely!
Woooorrrdd.

How to Make an Extremely Long Distance Relationship Work

 A modern fairytale

If you type the words “long distance relationship” into Google, you will find an endless list of articles on how to make your long distance relationship work. The problem with articles such as “How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work (with Pictures),” “21 Tips on Making a Long Distance Relationship Work,” and “22 Things No One Tells You about a Long Distance Relationship” is that they give general advice on things a rational person already knows: communication is imperative to the success of a long distance relationship.

For some, a long distance relationship can mean that their significant other is a few hours or a few states away. In my case, the distance spanned the entire United States and the Pacific Ocean or approximately 8,389 miles (13,500km). By using simple, made up math, I would need to increase normal communication by 800% in order for my 8.5–year relationship to stand the “Long Distance Relationship Test.”

 If communication is vital then I have all the tools: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, Skype, MagicJack, WhatsApp, Line, SnapChat, Vine, Pinterest, Blogger, Gmail, and OoVoo. However, what is the point of all these social media outlets of your significant other doesn’t make time for you? Despite the challenges of moving to a new country, the first year of my extremely long distance relationship went by smoothly. Nevertheless, communication soon became scarce entering my second year. I was seemingly pushed down the priority list in favor for a new group of single friends and a budding obsession with CrossFit. I protested the issue of his indifference several times, but I was met with both eye rolling and wording that suggested that I was doing the typical “crazy girl” thing. 

You see, these “helpful” articles never discuss what happens when you fight in a long distance relationship. In a normal relationship, whoever was in the wrong would apologize with both words and action. In a long distance relationship, you can only apologize via text or Skype and since there is no physical/emotional feeling of remorse, something that would have only upset me for two hours now pisses me off for two days! Do you see the problem here? Therefore, unresolved fights and weak communication are the happenings of a disaster but add temptation and the allure of the single life into the mix, and you have the start of World War (E)X. 

In short, extremely long distance relationships are difficult, but it’s important to communicate your feelings even if they result in the end of that relationship. It is better to save face than to have your girlfriend find out in the midst of a vacation that you’ve been secretly seeing another woman, taking her out on dates, meeting her family and, unbelievably, messaging her right in front of your girlfriend. And then have that, now, ex-girlfriend write about it in her blog. 

***

Although my relationship ended, I know many couples who have persevered through long distance relationships. Therefore, my relationship should not be indicative to the success or failure of other relationships. Also,  there is clearly so much more to the story that I won't discuss. これから頑張ります！ (From now on, I'll do my best!)

That Time I Punched A Guy in the Face

 You know that saying “bad luck comes in threes?” I think it should be “bad luck comes in a baker's dozen,” because everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong that particular night. 

Proof that I smiled at some point

 

 Strike # 1: She (i.e. Me) Doesn’t Even Go Here! 

This past July, I attended a farewell party that I was not originally invited to. I sound like a party crasher, but it was a parting celebration for a specific person who I knew, but not very well. I was invited at the last minute but looking back, I shouldn’t have gone in the first place.

Strike #2 & 3: Naha, Why You So Far?

& Sober Sister Status!

The party was going to start at an izayaka (bar/restaurant) in Naha, make a pit stop at a bar, and then migrate to a local club. Naha, the capital of Okinawa, was about an hour away from Ginoza via highway and due to Japan’s strict no-drinking-and-driving laws; I would be plagued with sobriety.

Strike #4: So You’re Telling Me I Have to Pay for Alcohol I Won’t Drink?

When I arrived at the izayaka, I was told that nomihodai (all you can drink) and tabehodai (all you can eat) was around ¥3,000 (around $30). Apparently, the original price I was told, around ¥1,600yen (around $16), was for either nomihodai or tabehodai, but not for both.

***

That’s cool!

 I’ll just do the tabehodai, since I’m obviously not drinking!

Wait, I can’t?

 We all need to pay ¥3,000?

They can’t split it?

But I’m not even drinking!

Shoganai (it can’t be helped, so just accept my fate), huh?

Ugggh!

***

Strike #5: The Price is Too Damn High 

Thirty dollars may not seem much for foodies, but the problem was that the food was mostly skewers, fries, salads, and sushi – basically finger food. As a pescatarian, I had a limited choice of mainly sushi and salad. I couldn’t believe I was paying ¥3,000 for sushi and salad, a meal that is less than ¥1,000 ($10) in Japan. Ugh!

Strike #6: Asshole Says I’m Not “Easy on the Eyes,” Except for, Like, My Eyes.

Luckily, I wasn’t the only one to pay for their sobriety, but my sister in sobriety wasn’t limited by the selection of food though. We all left the izakaya, where I reluctantly paid my ¥3,000, and migrated to a nearby bar. Although I was salty about the izakaya and the fact I was sipping water at a bar, I had a good time talking to my fellow OkiJETs. However, that good time didn’t last very long, because we were interrupted buy another JET who told me,

“I hate everything about you but your eyes.”

Normal people would just say, “I love your eyes,” so I was a bit confused. I thought he was just throwing some playful shade, so I retorted, “That can’t be true! Everyone loves my hair!” To which he replied, “No, I don’t like your hair. It’s whatever” and discussed why my hair sucked. I would never consider myself a ten, but my hair? That shit is perfect! You couldn’t find better hair on Jesus, who is the personification of perfection! Insult my hair, and you insult my hair kami (spirit). I don’t know what the hell kind of stunt this guy tried to pull. Was he trying to knock me off my “pretty-girl pedestal” that I wasn’t even on? I don’t know! Why couldn’t I just be left in peace?

 Bonus #1: Save ALL the Money! 

I was agitated with the way the night turned out, and I could feel myself falling into a resting bitch face. However, we were headed to a club where I could dance to my hearts content, so it would be OK – or so I thought.

At Club Fantasy Space Okinawa, we were given a group discount, but I noticed a few particular problems: the cramped space and the disproportionate amount of women to men. Clubs in the U.S. usually strive for more women attendees than men, but this club had men outnumbering women by 15 to 1. It was a horde of sexual harassment and I was about to dance in the middle of it. A few ladies and I formed a protective circle and made our way to the dance floor. 

Strike # 7 : Creepers! Creepers Everywhere! 

The music was great, but the foreign men, who I assume were high-ranked American military personnel were treating the club like their personal frat party. They began to mosh around and crash into anyone nearby. I had to push a few guys to prevent them from jumping on me and my petite friends. After the moshing ceased, the harassment began. Guys, both Japanese and foreign, would snake their arms around my waist in an attempt pull me back onto their denim cocks. Others would grab my forearm, and a few would stand too close and just stare.

Those who have been to the club with me know that I react very aggressively. I will push away arms in disgust or blatantly tell a guy to “back the f*ck up.” Even at my most drunk, I would never succumb to those sort of sexist advances. That being said, I was disappointed to see that some women did.

Strike #8: M.A.C. Lipstick: $18; Punching A Guy in the Face: Priceless

As the number of ladies in our protective circle dwindled to three, we moved to the back of the dance floor. While dancing, I felt two hands grab my hips and pull. I quickly removed the hands and turned toward the guy, a Japanese guy, and said “No!” When I turned around to face my friend, I felt it. I felt a hand grab and squeeze my butt cheek through my silky pants. (#YesALLWoman)

I turned around to see his hand retreat, but he faced his friend and LAUGHED at his flagrant violation. I attacked instantly and punched him in the face with my right hand, which was reinforced by my hard clutch. He fell, but when I moved forward to continue my chonga assault, I noticed my phone on the floor. All the contents of my purse spilled out onto the dance floor. I recovered most of my belongings expect for my M.A.C. lipstick.

Strike #9: F*ck Me, Right?

The bouncers came and removed the guy and his friend from the club, while I found a chair and sat there for the remainder of the night. When it was time of leave, I made my round of goodbyes, stopping to talk to a few friends. One JET expressed how sad she was that the girl, whose party this was for, was leaving. I said, "Yea, imagine how you'll feel when (sober sister) and I leave!" I didn't know how drunk she was, but my words pushed her to the verge to tears. Naturally, I moved forward to hug and console her, but I was shoved away.

I got into my car and drove home; the best part of my night.

Disclaimer: This telling of events is in my perspective. Also, my bad mood in the beginning of the night did not have a factor in whether or not I would have punched that guy in the face. I would have done it even if I had a wonderful time. I don't tolerate being touched, ever. For the sake of privacy, I omitted names. However, I didn't sugar coat any of the "strikes." I don't live in a world of unicorn kitties, and neither should my blog. (-`ェ´-怒)

Teaching Update: After a Year

It's been a while since my last update and I've completed one year as an English teacher with the JET Program, so it's time for an update! To check out my last update, click here!

M. Elementary

Kindergarden = Weekly

1st - 4th = Holidays

5th & 6th= Weekly

Although I got along well the 6th grade substitute teacher, who temporarily took over for the homeroom teacher when he was out for intestinal surgery, English class became disaster due to one misbehaved boy named Fumiya. Whether it was a hormonal imbalance or a lack of respect for female teachers, Fumiya created a dangerous situation and was subsequently removed from all English classes. Any efforts, including my own, to correct his behavior were met with half-assed apologizes. I don't know whether he was trying to get a laugh, but even his classmates defended me and ostracized him. His behavior extended out of English class, as he ran away from school several times before graduation. My board of education became involved as well, and apologized for any discomfort caused by his disrespectful behavior. I was told recently that he has calmed down since entering middle school. A lot of students, including Fumiya, aspire to be pro-baseball players, and he was told that he couldn't be a delinquent and play on the school's baseball team. 

(Update: I just heard Fumiya is still acting up, and driving the middle school ALT crazy) 

When the new school year commenced, the 6th grade homeroom teacher returned from his sick leave and now teaches the new 6th grade class. A new set of kinderbabies arrived as well, and they have been an absolute joy. In pre-school they learned how to say, "Thank you for your lesson, we are happy today," which they always use as a goodbye chant. I also work very well with the kindergarten teacher and she's intends to reschedule field trips so that I can help chaperone. The new 5th graders are very genki about English, but there are some boys have developed teacher crushes. Yikes! Since March, I only teach 1st - 4th grade during holidays, which gives me too much free time. However, I understand that more time is need for their other studies.

K. Elementary

Kindergarden = Weekly

1st - 4th = Monthly

5th & 6th= Weekly

Not much has changed in this school aside form the 6th graders graduation, which made way to a  new set of 5th and 6th graders. The new 5th graders are more difficult to teach because they have only nine students, including one girl who is half American. However, I was told they have a general lack of interest in all classes and because of this, their homeroom teacher will update me on their genki-ness (energy level) before each English class. Some days are better than others but, generally, they finish the lessons and retain the information. Moreover, the Japanese-American girl confessed that I inspire her to speak more English at home. That means I'm doing something right, right?

Although a few teachers have changed, I remain very close with the faculty and staff. My favorite is the vice principal who is a very fatherly and does his best to use English. During the teacher's meeting on Tuesdays, I give a one-point English lesson on a random phrase or word. It's cute to hear them use it throughout the day, and I am glad they've taken up such an interest in English. There is also one new staff hire who's speaks fluent Spanish because her husband is Mexican. It's  a Godsend! We chit chat during our breaks in Spanish, which helps me feel more at home. Now, the faculty and staff want to learn some Spanish as well! Viva el Español! 

Tuesdays are Taco Tuesdays!

Oh! Remember the 4th grade teacher that I supposedly had a major crush on? He switched  schools! To G. Elementary, as the new science teacher! 

G. Elementary
Kindergarten = Never
1st - 4th = Bi-weekly
5th & 6th = Weekly

The rumor of my crush continued at G. Elementary with all the school girls hounding me about my supposed love affair with their new science teacher. Good Grief! The girls know I have a boyfriend, who they refer to by name (Maikeru-san, lol), but they still have this crazy idea that I am uwaki-ing (extramarital sexy timing) with every male teacher around. However, at this point I've given up on trying to convince them and just switch my crushes" on a weekly bases to keep things interesting.

What my students think of me -_____-

It was pretty clear in my last update that Thursdays and Fridays were my least favorite workdays due to dealing with the Satan 6th graders and a couple staff members who had it out for me. However, I can happily report that the demon children graduated, and the others either retired or moved on to different schools. What a fucking difference!  

This year, they split up the 6th graders into two sections and although they have two different homerooms, I teach English with one homeroom teacher while the other covers Social Studies. Having this class split up into two sections helps with classroom management, but that doesn't make English class successful. The 6A class remains silent with only one star student answering all the questions. However, they will repeat a word or sentence after me and answer questions when asked individually. The 6B class is more active, but has a few pranksters like Rin-chan. What sets them apart from the previous Satan 6th graders is their lack of animosity towards me. I'll take that as a success! So far, my favorite class is the 4th grade. I am convinced that their homeroom teacher, Mika-sensei, will become Japan's first female prime minister. She's a tough lady and has a handle on her 40-student class! They have the best English out of all 3 schools and it's because she makes sure they both understand and diligently complete the activities. I do more advanced English with them and it's been a lot of fun! 

Overall, I have a feeling this year be stress free. Wish me luck!

Happy Dance

 Side note: The purpose of this entirey is not to fiercely criticize the Japanese workplace, as issues can arise in any job, but instead share my experiences with family, friends, and those interested in the JET Program or working in Japan.

Arigato and Sayonara: Teachers

In the U.S. it is faily common for teachers to work at the same school for over ten years; however, in Japan (or atleast in Okinawa) that is simply inconceivable. Principals, vice principals, and teachers spend three to five years at one school before they are transferred, while assistant and supporter teachers' employment are based on a yearly contract. Teachers can be transfered to any part of Okinawa and its outer islands, and sometimes teachers are transfered to and from Mainland Japan. As a foreigner, it is difficult to understand the logic behind these transfers, but it is seen as a way to share the talent of skilled teachers and purge the inept.

 In early January, I overhead talks of transfers, and in February I watched as the teachers wore their best suits to hand in their resumes to the board of education. By early March the transfers were decided and the news spread throughout the schools. Although I had braced myself since January I became distraught when I discovered that some of my favorite teachers were leaving. It sounds selfish, but I formed strong bonds with these teachers as they helped me adapt to the Japanese work enviroment for the past eight months. I had become confident in both the staffroom and the classroom, and now I would have to adapt once more to new teachers and new methods. In all honesty, I was mostly upset because my closest coworkers, the three librarians and the young assistant/supporter teachers (including my trouble buddy), were all transferred.*

Although not as exaggerated as Big Bang Theory's Sheldon Cooper, I am someone who dislikes change and becomes flustered when it is thrusted upon me. What can I say, I like to feel control in a world full of chaos.

In the usual Japanese fashion, we bid the teachers farewell at a lavish party. Most JETs with multiple schools will focus on one specific school for these events; but since I love to party, I decided to spread myself thin and attend all three. Two were held on a the same day and time, so I split my time between the two. I tend to 'turn up' at these events by wearing something scandalous, so I wore a cut-out dress. In the U.S., this would seem like a church dress, but in Japan anything that shows your back in considered extremely sexy. Once the teachers got a glimpse at my back, I heard gasps and exclamations that they wanted to touch me. And my 'me,' I mean my back. And by the female teachers, of course.

That back though!

The last one, with my favorite school, was the most fun as I had a great time pulling the male teachers onto the dance floor and accompanying other teachers to a salsa club. It was great to see everyone loosen up, but it was also nice to hear their tear-jerking farewell speeches. Bless that waterproof mascara.

One consequence of the transfers was the sense of closeness I felt with the teachers who were staying. They also felt anxious about the new teachers and expressed their worry about work compatibility. Meanwhile, the teachers who transferred schools within my town were relieved that they knew at least one person at their new school, me.

I know that I will eventually adapt to the change, but for now it does not alter the extreme wave of loneliness that I feel that my favorites are gone.

*P.S., The staff member who reprimanded me in the previous post retired early ;).