That Time I Blurted Out the Word "Blow Job" at Work

The title of this blog post isn't a joke.

Preface

Last year at a farewell party, one of my coworkers from the board of education got super drunk and struck up a conversation about American porn. Had it been an older employee or a conversation on the "mechanics" of porn then I would have kindly excused myself, but my young coworker only commented about the freedom of porn in America. 

What, the freedom of porn? 

Yes, because all Japanese porn, whether purchased, streamed or downloaded, is censored. To be honest, I'm not a big fan of porn but highly pixelated Japanese porn kind of defeats the actual purpose of porn, right? Either way, the conversation ended with a list of his favorite American porn stars along with another round of admiration towards America's pornographic freedom. 

The Incident

Fast forward to a random Wednesday afternoon at the board of education where Justin (the middle school ALT) and I chatted quietly about the week's events, when we were suddenly interrupted by my porn-loving coworker. My coworker wanted me to recommend a good porn. What the ??? When did I become the authority on American porn? I knew of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian's videos, but I didn't know any real porn. Wait, I knew one more! My mom and I were once huge fans of Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2, and I recently heard that one of the girls decided to start a career in pornography. I wikipedia'd the name of her porn and wrote it on the Post-It for my coworker.

Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom

My coworker looked at the Post-It for a few seconds than pointed to the name with a confused looked on his face. I said, "Farrah" out loud, thinking that he had an issue with pronouncing the name. He looked stunned for a second and then asked again. This time, I spoke a little louder and slower, "Far-rah." He took another moment and asked, "So this movie is about..." and made the typical gesture of a blow job - tongue to the cheek with a pumping fist.

I was f*cking mortified, but Justin was in a fit of laughter. I explained to my coworker that "Farrah" was the girl's name without really understanding the reason for his lewd gesture. It wasn't until later that Justin explained to me that フェラ fera, pronounced the same way as "Farrah," is the Japanese word for fellatio or "blow job." 

I said the Japanese word for "blow job" in the middle of my quiet board of education - TWICE!  Later on, my coworker admitted that he thought I was pretty brave for saying the word so loud (before he knew that it was a name), but not to worry about it because no one was actually listening anyway. I'm pretty sure that was lie to make me feel better. Earth please swallow me whole!

Moral of the Story 

Be careful! Innocent words in English might not be so innocent in Japanese! Also don't say フェラ "fera" or "Farrah" out loud. Like, ever!

It's Summer Vacation! You Don't Exist!

Today was the last day of the first Japanese school semester and the start of summer vacation. Even though I am still expected at work during the break, I've requested enough nenkyuu (paid vacation) to keep me away from the office. In all seriousness, I desperately need a mental break. Japan has a masochistic school schedule with summer vacations only spanning a little over a month; and even when there are no classes to teach (say, during spring vacation), the teachers are still expected at work. 

I sound a bit whiny, huh? 

Truthfully, I am exhausted with planning English lessons, games, and activities. For example, I planned a lesson based on Frozen and had the 4th graders at Ginoza Elementary sing a bilingual version of "Let it Go." A bilingual version of the song doesn't exist, so I had to use my nerd skills to splice together the Japanese and English versions of the song. I also made a handout with the lyrics and, since the kids can't read English, I inserted the Japanese phonetics for the English words. After teaching the 4th graders, all the other grades wanted to learn the bilingual version of "Let it Go" as well. After teaching the lesson 20 times at three different schools (I'm not sure if that's an exaggeration anymore), I wanted to punch Elsa in the face.

It begins to feel like Groundhog's Day, and what's worse is that some students give up without even attempting the activity because of the muri or "impossible" attitude that anything slightly difficult is impossible to achieve. So I have to begrudgingly cheer them on even though I want to shake the sense into them. I can't get upset, though. I just found out yesterday that my 6th graders believe I speak Japanese because they think I'm half Japanese. They just cannot fathom that I studied Japanese. 

Do you see why I need this mental break?

I have a lot of plans for this summer, but my first act of summer business is to ignore my students as though they don't exist.

Just kidding! I'm not that mean! Well, that actually depends on who you ask, lol! 

Not so "Easy Peasy" but very "Japanesey"

If I am to do any justice to the Internet community or to those who are interested in the JET Program (or any other program for that matter), then I would have to be frank and state that living in Japan is not easy. 

What?! What's so hard about living in a country that is so technologically advanced that they invent robots that can play the violin just for frickin' fun? If you don't know that answer or need to brush up, read the article "5 Things Nobody Tells You About Living in Japan" and become enlightened.

Japan doesn't sh*t glitter and Pokémon.
 Well, maybe not glitter.

In the U.S. I am a fairly independent person who has no problems whatsoever with everyday situations. This is simply not the case in Japan. Due to the need of constant assistance for the most mundane task, I feel as though I have regressed from adulthood. One reason for this juvenility is the huge language blockade. It’s a “blockade” because if it were something physical, it would look something like Gandalf the Grey standing on the Great Wall of China quoting that epic line:

Although I studied Japanese for quite some time, it didn’t prepare me for in-depth or complex conversations. It’s difficult to develop friendships or work-relationships when the language blockade does not let you pass the superficial. Luckily, the language blockade has not disrupted my relations with students as they thrive on superficial conversations. Japanese children are like tiny, drunk friends that love to comment on appearances. So far, they find my intonations (when speaking Japanese) and gestures cute, but I wouldn’t consider myself as “cute” when I speak English. Therefore, as a result of the language blockade, my personality has not carried over when I speak Japanese. 

Outside of work, the language blockade is affecting everything from making appointments to filling out forms. Stores or companies can refuse to assist me because they cannot explain (nor would I be able to understand) complex contractual terms. However, in cases when I am assisted by a patient employee, things will, and need to be, repeated to make sure that I completely understand. The smallest accomplishments feel like I’ve won the lottery, while failures feel as though my life is forever ruined. It’s a real roller coaster ride of emotions.  The language blockade doesn’t make me want to run back to the U.S, but it does motivate me to work harder on my Japanese in order to communicate more efficiently and so that I can show these Okinawans the true loca that I am.